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Ambrose Bierce Quotes


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Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.
 

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
[Eloquence]
 

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
 

Epitaph, n: an inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
 

Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
 

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
 

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
 

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
 

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
 

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
 

Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
 

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
 

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
 

Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
 

Freemason, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha.
 

Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
 

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
 

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
 

Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
 

Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
 


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