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Dave Barry Quotes

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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

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