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Dave Barry Quotes


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To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
 

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
 

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
[Violence]
 

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
 

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
 

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
 

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.
 

We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic, . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.
 

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
 

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
 

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
 

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
 

You're only young once, but you can always be immature.
 

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
 


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