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Evan Esar Quotes

An American humorist who wrote Esar's Comic Dictionary 1943 and 20,000 Quips and Quotes in 1968.
(1899 - 1995)

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended.

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
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