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Evan Esar Quotes


An American humorist who wrote Esar's Comic Dictionary 1943 and 20,000 Quips and Quotes in 1968.
(1899 - 1995)

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
 

A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended.
[Husbands]
 

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
 

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.
[Work]
 

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
[Education]
 

Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
 

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
[Character]
 

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
[Statistics]
 

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
[Statistics]
 

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
[Disappointment]
 

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
[Women]
 

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
[Statistics]
 

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
 

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
[Money]
 

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
[Animals]
 

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
[Zoo]
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