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Fred Allen Quotes


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I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
 

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
 

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
 

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
 

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
 

My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
 

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children - except in self-defense.
[Family]
 

She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now.
 

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
 

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
[Television]
 

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
[Television]
 

Television is the triumph of machine over people.
[Television]
 

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
 

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
 

The first Sunday I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
[Religion]
 

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
 

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
 

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
 

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
 

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
 


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