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Fred Allen Quotes


An American comedian whose absurdist, topically pointed radio show (1932–1949) made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the so-called classic era of American radio.
(1894 - 1956)

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(A gentleman) is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
 

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
 

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
 

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
[Ignorance]
 

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
 

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
[Business]
 

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
 

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
[Funny]
 

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
 

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
 

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
 

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
 

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
 

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
 

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
 

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
 

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
 

I have just returned from Boston; it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
 

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
 

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
[Funny]
 


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