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Groucho Marx Quotes


Julius Henry Marx, primarily known as Groucho Marx, was an American comedian and actor, famous for his work in the Marx Brothers comedy team, and his solo film and television career.
(1890 - 1977)

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A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
[Black]
 

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
[Funny]
 

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
[Funny]
 

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
 

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
 

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
[Funny]
 

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
 

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
[Funny]
 

Before I speak, I have something important to say.
 

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
 

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
 

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
 

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
 

Go, and never darken my towels again.
 

Humor is reason gone mad.
[Humor]
 

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
 

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
 

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
 

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
 

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
 


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