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Jack Benny Quotes

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with Prudential. All I can say is: When I go, they go!

I really don't deserve this, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Modesty is my best quality.

My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.