Jackie Mason Quotes
Jackie Mason, born Yacov Moshe Maza, is an American stand-up comedian.
(1938 - )
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Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
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If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
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It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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Right now I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - unless I buy something.
[Money]
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
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