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Joey Adams Quotes

Joey Adams, born Joseph Abramowitz, was an American comedian who was inducted into the Friars Club in 1977 and wrote the book Borscht Belt in 1973.
(1911 - 1999)

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

I want to die like my grandfather died . . . peacefully in his sleep. Not like the other three people screaming in the car.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'

Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.