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Josh Billings Quotes

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What should we do if it want for the churches? Thare iz a plenty ov people who kant worship God only in a church. If they were out in a field on the Sabbath day they would at once bekum lawless, and fall to digging out woodchucks or hunting for bumblebees' nests.

When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy.
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When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.

When i cum akrost people who are perfeklty krazy for ventilashun, i say to miself, "that kritter was brought up in a windmill."

When i see a poor, and proud aristokrat, purtiklar about punktillio, he alwus puts me in mind ov a drunken man, trieing tew walk a crack.

Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.

Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.

You can buy a pretty good dog with a lot of money, but you can't buy the wag of its tail.

Yung man, don't grind yure scythe all on one side!
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