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Josh Billings Quotes


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I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.
 

I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.
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I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.
 

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
 

I wouldn't undertake tew korrekt a mans sektarian views enny quicker than i would tell him which road tew take at a 4 corners, when i didn't know miself which waz the right one.
 

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
 

If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless".
 

If it wasn't for faith, there would be no living in this world; we couldn't even eat hash with any safety.
 

If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz money--a mere pimp tew hiz welth.
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If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We couldn't even eat hash with safety.
 

If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else.
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If we would all ov us take kare ov our own souls, and let our nabors alone, thare would be less time lost, and more souls saved.
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If you do not know how to lie, cheat, and steal, turn your attention to politics and learn.
[Politics]
 

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her nose all the time.
[Happiness]
 

In youth we run into difficulties, in old age, difficulties run into us.
 

It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.
 

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
 

It ain't so much trouble to get rich as it is to tell when we have got rich.
[Forgiveness]
 

It ain't what a man don't know that makes him a fool; it's the things he does know, that ain't so.
 

It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his estimation, and yours too.
 


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