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Josh Billings Quotes

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Mankind loves misterys--a hole in the ground, excites mor wonder than a star in the heavens.

Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her as yu have.

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

Men are often praized for their sagassity, but all the fore sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it itz broken.

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

Menny people spend their time trieing tew find the hole whare sin got into this world--if two men brake through the ice into a mill pond, they had better hunt for sum good hole tew git out, rather than git into a long argument about the hole they cum tew fall in.

Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.

Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.

Money will buy a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

Most men would rather be charged with malice than with making a blunder.

Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.

Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.

My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.

My son, observe the postage stamp! Its usefulness depends upon its ability to stick to one thing until it gets there.

Natur duz awl her big and little jobs without making enny furse; the earth goes around the sun, the moon changes, the eklipses, and the pollywog, silently and taillessly, bekums a frog, but man kant even deliver a small-sized 4th ov July orashun without knocking down a mountain or two, and tareing up three or four primeval forests by the bleeding rutes.

Nature never makes blunders; when she makes a fool she means it.
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No one can disgrace us but ourselves.

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

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