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Josh Billings Quotes

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One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.

Pedantry iz the science ov investing what little yu know in one kind ov perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that under every man's knose whom you meet.
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Pity costs nothing and ain't worth nothing.
[Helping Other People]

Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make.
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Poor human natur iz too full ov its own grievances tew have enny pitty to spare,--if yu show a man a big bile on yure arm, he will tell yu he had one twice az big az that, on the same spot, last year.

Poverty is the stepmother of genius.
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Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.

Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.
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Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

Remember the poor, it costs nothing.

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

Take awl the prophecys that hav cum tew pass, and awl that hav caught on the center, and failed tew cum tew time, and make them up in an average, and yer will find, that buying stock, on the Codfish Bank ov Nufoundland, at 50 per cent, for a rise, iz, in comparison, a good spekulatiff bizziness.

Thare are but dredful phew people who kan talk ten minnits tew yu without lugging into the conversashun their bak or stummuk akes.
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Thare are people who dont do ennything but watch their simptoms. I have seen dogs ackt just az sensible, i hav seen a rat terrier watch the simptoms ov a knot hole, in a board fence, all day, for sum rat tew cum out, but no rat didn't cum out.
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Thare iz a grate deal ov charity in this world so koldly rendered that it fairly hurts, it iz like lifting a drowning man out ov the water bi the hair ov the hed, and then letting him drop on the ground.

Thare iz but phew people in this world underrated.
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Thare iz sich a thing az being alwus too quick--i am one ov that kind miself, i alwus miss a rale rode train bi being thare a haff an our too soon.

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