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Josh Billings Quotes


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Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable.
 

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
 

The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
 

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
 

The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav ein the author ov it.
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The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
[Capitalism]
 

The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.
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The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.
 

The man who pitys everyboddy, wants watching, for the chances are that he iz gitting phatt slily on other peoples misfortunes.
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The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.
 

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.
 

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
 

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
 

The trouble with most folks isn't so much their ignorance. It's know'n so many things that ain't so.
[Ignorance]
 

The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves, but who think others are.
[Innocence]
 

The wealth ov a person should be estimated, not bi the amount he haz, but bi the use he makes ov it.
 

The wheel that squeaks the loudest Is the one that gets the grease.
[Business]
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Them folks who are sudden, aint apt tew be solid; lively streams are alwus shallow.
 

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
 

There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.
[Worry]
 


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