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Josh Billings Quotes

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There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won t.

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.

There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.

There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.
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There iz only one good substitute for the endearments ov a sister, and that iz the endearments ov sum other pheller's sister.

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.
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Those who enter heaven may find the outer walls plastered with creeds, but they won't find any on the inside.

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just, But four times he who gets his blow in fust

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.

Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country.

Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet.

Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a mank kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.

We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.

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