Josh Billings Quotes
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There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
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There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won t.
[Change]
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There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.
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There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
[Intelligence]
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There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
[Forgiveness]
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There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
[Experience]
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There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.
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There iz only one good substitute for the endearments ov a sister, and that iz the endearments ov sum other pheller's sister.
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There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
[Funny]
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There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
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This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.
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Those who enter heaven may find the outer walls plastered with creeds, but they won't find any on the inside.
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Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
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Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just, But four times he who gets his blow in fust
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Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
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To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
[Parenthood]
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Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country.
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Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet.
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Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a mank kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.
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We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.
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