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Josh Billings Quotes


Josh Billings was the pen name of the American humorist born Henry Wheeler Shaw.
(1818 - 1885)

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7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.
 

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
[Funny]
 

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
 

A man's reputashun iz something like hiz coat, thare iz certain kemikals that will take the stains and grease spots out ov it, but it alwus haz a second-handed kind ov a look, and generally smells strong ov the kemikals.
 

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
 

A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided-it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.
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About one haff the pitty in this world iz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfackshun that it aint our hoss that haz had hiz leg broke.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
 

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
 

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist - it reduces him to his fighting weight.
[Adversity]
 

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
 

As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.
 

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
 

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
[Truth]
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Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don't serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long.
 

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
 

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
[Perseverance]
 

Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.
[Beauty]
 

Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
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Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
 


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