Josh Billings Quotes
Josh Billings was the pen name of the American humorist born Henry Wheeler Shaw.
(1818 - 1885)
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7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
[Funny]
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A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
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A man's reputashun iz something like hiz coat, thare iz certain kemikals that will take the stains and grease spots out ov it, but it alwus haz a second-handed kind ov a look, and generally smells strong ov the kemikals.
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A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
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A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided-it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.
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About one haff the pitty in this world iz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfackshun that it aint our hoss that haz had hiz leg broke.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
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About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
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Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist - it reduces him to his fighting weight.
[Adversity]
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Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
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As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.
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As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
[Truth]
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Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don't serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long.
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Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
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Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
[Perseverance]
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Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.
[Beauty]
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Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
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Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
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