> Author Index > O - Authors > P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes


An American political satirist.
(1947 - )

Pages: 12345678910Next

A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing either, you can worry yourself to death.
 

A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.
 

A child growing up in an excessively safe environment may never learn that he is one- not until he gets married and has a wife to tell him so.
 

A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're getting too much exercise and not enough cocktails.
 

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
 

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
[Government]
 

A pleasant natural environment is a good- a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we want something, we should pay for it, with our labor or our cash. We shouldn't beg it, steal it, sit around wishing for it, or euchre the government into taking it by force.
 

A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty - their power and privilege - to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians
 

A steady job is at least as deleterious to the spirit of bachelorhood as a steady date. Some jobs are worse than actual wives.
 

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
 

Advocating the expansion of the powers of the state is treason to mankind, goddamnit!
 

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
 

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
 

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
[America]
 

And the Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn't Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen?
 

Any person who has spent time outdoors actually doing something, such as hunting and fishing as opposed to standing there with a doobie in his mouth, knows nature is not intrinsically healthy.
 

Any random group of thirty Vietnamese women will contain a dozen who make Julia Roberts look like Lyle Lovett.
 

Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.
 

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
 

Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.
 


Pages: 12345678910Next