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Quentin Crisp Quotes


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I acquiesced in this on the grounds that the most anyone can expect from a holiday is a change of agony.
 

I am not famous; I am notorious and if I am rich it is because I have taken my wages in people.
 

I became one of the stately homos of England.
 

I found that I had become so spinsterish that I was made neurotic not only by my life of domesticity but by the slightest derangement of my room. I would burst into a fit of weeping if the kettle was not facing due east.
 

I have always lived my life in the profession of being.
 

I never saw Portsmouth by day.
 

I never understood music. It seemed to me to be the maximum amount of noise conveying the minimum amount of information.
 

I now know that if you describe things as better as they are, you are considered to be romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you are called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you are called a satirist.
 

I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum.
 

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
 

I started to shed the monstrous aesthetic affectation of my youth so as to make room for the monstrous philistine postures of middle age, but it was some years before I was bold enough to decline an invitation to "Hamlet" on the grounds that I knew who won.
 

I was amazed to receive later a substantial sum for sitting in my room and talking about myself. If only I could get some of the back pay!
 

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
[Funny]
 

If I have any talent at all, it is not for doing but for being.
 

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.
 

Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost?
 

It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.
 

It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.
 

It would be impossible to get through the kind of life that I have known without accumulating a vast unused stockpile of rage. Retaliation, though, was a luxury I could never afford. On the physical level I was too feeble. On any other I was not rich enough. I never dared to be rude to anyone. I never knew that I might not need him later. Long after fantasies of sexual excess had ceased to torment me, my imagination was inflamed by lurid day-dreams of having my revenge on the world.
 

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.
 


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