Rita Rudner Quotes
An American comedienne, writer and actress.
(1953 - )
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A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
[Sex]
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
[Love]
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Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.
[Family]
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Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
[Health]
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I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
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I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
[Being]
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
[Companionship]
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
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I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
[Funny]
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
[Money]
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In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
[Funny]
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It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
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It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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