Robert Orben Quotes
An American magician and professional comedy writer.
(1927 - )
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"Wait'll next year!" is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
[Hope]
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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
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A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
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Cheap? If he was at the Last Supper, he would have asked for separate checks!
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Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.
[Politics]
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Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
[Politics]
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
[America]
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Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
[America]
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Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
[Health]
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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I don't see why religion and science can't get along. What's wrong with counting our blessings with a computer?
[Religion]
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I don't want to say anything about my kids . . . but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
[Family]
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
[Family]
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