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Scott Adams Quotes


An American cartoonist and satirist, best known for his Dilbert series of comic strips and books.
(1957 - )

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Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons
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As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
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Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
 

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
 

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
[Creativity]
 

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
 

Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality?
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Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
 

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
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Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.
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I get mail; therefore I am.
 

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
 

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
 

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
[Intelligence]
 

If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying.
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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
 

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
 

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
[Business]
 

Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.
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