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Tim Conway Quotes





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Actually, we've done 75 of these shows and every one of them has sold out. But then we buy all the tickets.
 

As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.
[Active]
 

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.
 

Don Knotts was a really big influence, especially on the Steve Allen show. I mean, look at the guy, his entire life is in his face.
 

Harvey never had an original idea or thought in his life. I was out wandering around the country doing charity benefits, mainly, when I asked him to come along.
 

He spends so much time in the sand trap you'd think he was in the cast of Baywatcb.
[Sports]
 

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn't the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.
 

I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.
 

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.
 

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.
 

I've known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I guess you could say we're about as close as you can get to being a comedy team.
 

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.
 

If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life.
 

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.
 

Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.
 

People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words.
 

The groom is so much better for her than her last boyfriend. He's sophisticated, he brings her flowers and candy, he dines by candlelight. Her last boyfriend thought it was enough to spray her name on a fence.
 

This gathering is what I call "intimate," which really means "Where is everybody?"
 

We kept a broad audience, and we didn't make fun of people who had necessarily made mistakes in their life and burned them to the ground. We made fun of a commercial or a movie or ourselves.
 

When I watch TV, I'm embarrassed by some of what's on.
 


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