Will Rogers Quotes
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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
[Jokes]
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I doubt if a charging elephant, or a rhino, is as determined or hard to check as a socially ambitious mother.
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I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
[Sports]
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I guess truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that can happen to you.
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I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.
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I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.
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I have no Politics. I am for the Party that is out of Power, no matter which one it is. But I will give you my word that, in case of my appointment, I will not be a Republican; I will do my best to pull with you, and not embarrass you. In fact, my views on European affairs are so in accord with you, Mr. President, that I might almost be suspected of being a Democrat.
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I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
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I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
[Funny]
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I never met a man I didn't like.
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I not only "don't choose to run" but I don't even want to leave a loophole in case I am drafted, so I won't "choose". I will say "won't run" no matter how bad the country will need a comedian by that time.
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I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
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I tell you Folks, all Politics is Apple Sauce.
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I tell you, this finding out how to govern a country, or even a state, or county, or even town, has got the whole world licked. There is not a type of government that can point with complete pride and say: There, this is the best that can be had!
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I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.
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I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.
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I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
[Funny]
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If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
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If all politicians fished instead of spoke publicly, we would be at peace with the world.
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If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
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