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Woody Allen Quotes


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I am two with nature.
[Nature]
 

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
 

I can't express anger. That's my problem. I internalize everything. I just grow a tumor instead.
 

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
 

I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
[Change]
 

I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
[Spirituality]
 

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
 

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
 

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
[Funny]
 

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
[Funny]
 

I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
 

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.
 

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
 

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
[Being]
 

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
 

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
[Companionship]
 

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
 

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
[Being]
 

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
 

I think that people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.
 


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