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Woody Allen Quotes

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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.

It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. The horrible are the cancer patients and the terminal cases... the miserable is everyone else. So, be thankful that you're miserable.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

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