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Woody Allen Quotes


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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
[Fun]
 

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
 

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
 

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
 

Ninety percent of living is just showing up.
 

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
 

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
 

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
 

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
[America]
 

Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again.
 

Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
 

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
 

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
 

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
[Passion]
 

Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
 

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
 

Showing up is eighty percent of life.
[One Day]
 

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful, and multiply." But not in those words.
 

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
 

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
 


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