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Woody Allen Quotes

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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

You know a lot of geniuses, y'know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y'know, you could learn something.

You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.

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