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Funny Quotes

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Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting things he has got.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

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