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Funny Quotes


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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.

I like children - fried.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like marriage. The idea.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

I never said most of the things I said.

I rant, therefore I am.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.


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