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Funny Quotes

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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

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