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Funny Quotes

These are some of the best 'Funny' quotations and sayings.

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(Airplanes) may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. See quote detail

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Any girl can look glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

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